- Why is listening important?
- Listening is an important skill in any relationship even the one you have with yourself. To truly listen to yourself, even to the parts you do not like is to acknowledge and accept. This does not mean you always agree with what you hear but you are respectful enough to listen. Active open listening demonstrates you care.
- In a business relationship this is also the case although the objectives may differ. The ability to listen is as crucial as the need to be heard. The ability to listen well is a fundamental component to a successful business. For progressive businesses with Eco- conscious awareness, intelligent listening demonstrates a conscious awareness. To be aware of one’s own existence, sensations, thoughts, and environment. Which then leads into the existence of other living things in which we share our world.
- To be a good listener is to be conscious of what is being said or conveyed and giving your undivided attention. This can be easier said than done and I will come to that in a minute. Listening is an underestimated skill and often people believe that they are good listeners when they are not. We also must bear in mind that as humans, we will feel and differ in mood, from moment to moment and this will affect are ability to listen well.
- It can be difficult to pretend to listen and people are primed to look out for insincerity. E.g. How do you feel when you are expressing yourself to someone who cannot give you eye contact? Or is constantly looking at the clock on the wall, fiddling with a pen or unable to sit still. When you want to be heard and you are faced with this type of behaviour or similar, how do you feel?
- One of the main objectives in developing a successful relationship is the ability to listen and respond appropriately. How do you show that you care when someone is talking to you?
2. What gets in the way of being a good listener?
- The short answer is we do. Most people want to be good at listening because deep down, we do know what it is like to be heard. However, what we want and how we achieve it, is dependent on our self- awareness.
- One of the biggest blocks to being good at listening, is the fact our minds are usually full of thoughts. When we are preoccupied with stuff, internally jumping from one thought to another, we are distracted.
- We also have the desire to do a good job which can sometimes mean that we try to pre- tempt what the other person is going to say. As if we need to prove that we are worthy, by knowing what someone is going to say before they say it. It is human to want to connect with others to demonstrate understanding, common ground, and empathy. Nevertheless, to listen means keeping quiet. Interrupting another person when they are giving you information, sharing ideas, can halt the flow of a discussion or a creative stream. Great intentions to show how good you are at your job and how beneficial you can be to someone, can wait until the right moment. Believe me, we can all have our say and be heard. Listening is one half of a two-way street.
- Being under pressure from time constraints and work targets can be encompassing. Competition in the work place can prevent us from being in the moment and simply listening. Stress deafness is common. If you are under stress you may find that your inner landscape can represent a battlefield. Your mind a circus of full of jugglers and spinning plates. It is not easy to give your full attention to someone when this is what is going on internally.
- We can also miss, important information if we are too emotionally involved in the dialogue. We can be carried away with the content and this can lead us into thoughts, narrative, reflections that do not serve the client/customer or friend at this time.
- With all the best intentions in the world, to listen and response to the needs of our customers/clients we can often miss the nuances in conversation and discussion. In some cases we may not even hear the important parts because we are thinking ahead of the moment. In our minds,we can be planning a solution or anticipating what the other person is going to say. We may lose the thread and the connection with that person. We are not truly listening. Being human is complex at the best of times and in today society we have so many boxes to tick that it is no wonder our minds are busy.
3. Top Tips – How to become more aware and a better listener.
- Neuro- linguistics has developed over many years demonstrating the connection between language and the way in which the brain works. Listening is crucial as part of this understanding, paying attention to what type of metaphors, a person uses in a conversation and mirroring this back helps build rapport with people. This is a large and interesting subject to further explore.
- Try to be organised. E.g. look at how much time you have and allow for more. Meetings can often over run so factor this in. Set the scene for listening by eliminating distractions, turn off your mobile or notifications, put a Do Not Disturb sign on the door. Remove visual stimulus.
- Be comfortable with silence. This can take practice as silence is something that we have learnt to fill. Yet allowing space in the discussion to give silent pause can permit thoughts to arise that have not had a chance to surface.
- Set aside what you know and listen with a curious mind. Be open to ideas even if they are not new to you, they may be new to the person sharing them.
- Do you take notes to help you remember what is important? Feel comfortable asking if this is ok and explain why.
- Ask to pause and paraphrase for clarity.
- Build into your business objectives a suitable user friendly feedback system. Be open to listening to what people think about your service. It is a process of learning.
- Prepare yourself. Take a few moments before a meeting to simply sit /stand and touch base with how you are. Acknowledge any sensations you notice in your body, any thoughts passing through your mind. How you are feeling in this moment. Then take a few more moments to be with your breath, feeling the flow of the breath in and out of the body. By doing this you are bringing conscious attention into the present moment. Carry this present moment into your meeting and be fully awake and ready to listen.